love hurts
by deprived
Summary: zim makes everyone fall in love with him


............   
**Love Hurts**   
Haven't done one of these for a while. It's short and probably has numerous and horrible spelling/grammer errors. Enjoy.  
  
It was spring....birds were chirping, flowers were blooming, and love was in the air. Zim was miserable....even Gir had a girlfriend. It was actually an old vacuum cleaner he had found in a garbage can but still.... These puny humans had corrupted Gir! It wouldn't be so bad if Gir were smart or something in the first place but since he was a moron work in Zim's lab had virtually come to a stop. All Gir wanted to do was kiss that horrible vacuum cleaner all day. Zim tried to take it from him but Gir went crazy and Zim had to give in or be disemboweled with a jar of peanut butter.   
Zim glared at Gir. He was in the living room sucking on the vacuum. He growled and slammed the door. On the way to school he yelled at the chirping birds and stepped on the blooming flowers. This 'spring' was driving him insane!   
He arrived in the school yard. It seemed the spring 'madness' had gotten to the little earth children too. They were all playing in boy/girl pairs, giggling and having filthy filthy fun. He looked over at the jungle gym and gasped. Two of the worm children were pressing their mouths together....Zim gagged. He walked up to the couple and stared at their mouths. It was disgusting...   
"What's the matter Zim? Don't know what kissing is?" Dib asked from behind him.   
"I know what it is....it's..er...."   
"Well...since I'm sure this information will fill you with horrible....horror I'll tell you. You see when a man and woman fall in love they go to the fertility doctor and he uses a turkey baster to impregnate her and out comes a little genius. There's probably some kissing in there somewhere....or at least that's what my dad told me. So there!" Dib smirked.   
"You lie! Even you stupid earth monkeys can't possible do something so....stupid. Everyone knows that you only get terrible diseases when you put your mouth on things. It's disgusting!" Zim looked at the couple still kissing and poked them. They ignored him. He poked them again. "So ... this love must weaken these worm babies. I wonder if I could use it to subjugate them to my will?" Zim thought for a minute then a grin appeared on his green face. He looked back at the couple then walked off, whistling.   
"That alien scum is up to something ... something horrible!" He looked over at the still kissing couple. "That _is_ disgusting." -------   
Zim was working in his very secret yet very stinky lab. He had a couple of chickens strapped to a table and he kept giving them tiny shocks. Every time he'd shock a chicken Gir would giggle.   
"Stop that insane giggling Gir and get me some cheese! I might finally have the formula! Then every human on this pitiful planet will fall in love ... with ME! Meh HahahahahaHA HAHA HA!"   
"Aww ... I love you master. Your so cute and cuddly! And you smell like tacos!" Gir said and started hugging and drooling on Zim.   
"Ouch! You bit me Gir! Stop that! Stop that I say! I am not a taco! Now get me... the cheese." Zim pushed Gir off him and Gir skipped off humming happily.   
Gir came back a few minutes later carrying a big basket full of mozzarella. Zim grabbed a piece and chewed on it a bit. "Perfect! Now I shall have the formula and the earth will soon belong to ZIM!" -------   
Zim walked confidently through the playground almost swaggering. He stood in the middle of the playground with a huge grin on his face. In no time at all the serum would take effect and these puny humans would be completely under his spell.   
A quiet sort of humming sound was coming from the children. They all walked slowly forward until they were as close to Zim as they could get. The sound grew louder and louder ad Zim realized they were chanting his name.   
"Yes yes you all love Zim. Now let's get down to business. First I want you to....hey stop that!" They were rushing forward upon him, stroking and grabbing any piece of them they could find. Zim screamed and was soon buried underneath a mound of adoring children.   
Zim crawled out from the seething pit of humanity and staggered home. "This... love! It's terrible! I must get the STENCH of love off of me!" He slammed the door shut and heard an ominous rumble. He looked out the window. The humans were everywhere! Some of them had flowers and candy but all of them were screaming his name.   
"Must escape. Gir! Gir!" Gir came staggering out of the kitchen. His mouth was smeared with what looked like chocolate.   
"Gir. The humans have gone crazy with the love! We need to get me back to the way I was before."   
"Oooh... but I like you better now. You smell ... cheesy." Gir leaned forward and sniffed at Zim.   
"You are an idiot." Zim said just before the front door burst down. The humans all scrambled after Zim as he ran. He transported to his lair and escaped in a voot cruiser with Gir. He looked back and saw the humans had destroyed his house.   
"They destroyed the house Gir! Where else am I going to find equipment to cure myself?"   
"I bet Dib can help."   
"No."   
"But he's so cute! I like him. Let's ask him to help."   
"No. Absolutely not! I will never ask that stinky human for ANYTHING! EVER!"   
Five minutes later Zim was knocking on Dib's door. Dib opened it and scowled.   
"What do you want? Is this a trick or something because if it is I will ... kiss you, you beautiful green alien! Come here!" Dib tried to grab Zim and Zim slapped him.   
"Have you gone mad?!" They started wrestling until Gaz came in.   
"What's with Dib?"   
"He's in love with me! The whole world is in love with ZIM!" Zim said, pushing Dib away.   
"I don't love you. I despise you with every fiber of my being." Gaz said and calmly went back to playing her game. Zim hit Dib on the head with a lamp, knocking him unconscious.   
"Where is the lab?" he asked. Gaz pointed and Zim went. He eventually wound up in the lab where he and Gir spend hours experimenting. Dib eventually woke up and Zim locked the door to keep him out.   
He finally came up with something that seemed to work so he opened the door to test it. Dib had a rapturous expression on his face and he went to hug Zim but then he paused. He sniffed and then started to cough.   
"What is that foul stench? And what are you doing in my house? Get out!"   
Zim smiled and walked out. He was cured! Cured! He noticed the humans were looking at him oddly. He heard the humming sound again. Had the cure not worked? Then he realized they were chanting kill Zim, kill Zim, kill Zim. Zim screamed and ran.   
Moral:love hurts and ...er so does hate 


End file.
